Do we choose our parents?
I feel like we’ve grown up in an era where it is expected that life should look a certain way, (or perhaps that is the projection of our human experience in modern day). That our family life should fit into a particular box that society has carved out for us. That those with both parents and all of the amenities life can provide have somehow “made it” - that these are the lucky ones.
I undoubtedly agree that two parents is better than one - given that both parents are present and engaged with their children. I myself have experienced not having both parents to support my growth as a child on and off. I too know that I would rather have one parent who is fully committed than have both where one is “checked out” in some form or another.
With that being said, there is an old saying that, “it takes a village”, because well, it does! It is a lot of pressure for two people to raise children, let alone on their own! I commend single parents for persevering through it all and doing it solo. But the truth is we almost always have help, whether it be the neighbor, your close friends, aunts and uncles and grandparents.
I have four parents to turn to as both of my parents are re-married and it is not a “oh that’s too bad” scenario, its been a, “I have four parents to turn to!” scenario. I have four different types of people to expand what I believe is possible, to learn from and to hold space for me. I am lucky to be close to all of them. I have a large family now because of this too. It is a blessing!
You may have had both parents growing up and to society this is deemed as a win. A sigh of relief that they have you “figured out” and “everything is working out great for you”. But, is that always true? It is inevitable that our parents will mess us up in some form or another. They are only human too. They are not perfect. Our parents do the best they can with what they have and what they’ve been given.
We are all doing our best, I truly believe that. I do not believe that because my father was unable to care for my sister and I when we were young that I should carry resentment into the future. It can be easy for us to hold a grudge, be resentful and not let things go, but perhaps we should shift our perspective. That we should entertain the possibility of forgiveness because we are all here having a human experience. It has been proven that we physically carry the DNA of our ancestors in our blood and bones, therefore wouldn’t it be fair to say that we too carry their stories, their trials and tribulations? I think so. Why repeat an old story like a loop in your mind. A story that does not exist any longer.
Through meditation we can do deep healing around our relationship to our parents. Lets take my father for example. He was once a small child just as I was. He was provided for in the way that his parents knew how. Everything that we know, has been passed down to us each generation, for us to live out in a similar way. We then are shaped and influenced by those around us as we get older. However, we do reach a point when we realize that we can form our own opinions, our own beliefs and we have an opportunity to show up in the world as who we are. Not who we were told to be. This is the time to form changes and let go of what was.
Old resentments and old beliefs will not serve you moving forward. I realized that I would rather have compassion for my fathers struggles and for what he has been through. That as their children we are actually here to show them what is possible. To show them what love is, compassion is and that we can create a life filled with joy and love. That every single person is worthy of being loved.
If you have experienced negative cycles through-out your life or those before you it is entirely possible to change that moving forward. That is up to you. History does not have to repeat itself. Take the good stuff and leave the rest behind.
I realized that my dad was not present because he was going through his own journey, struggling with his own demons - addiction. That rather than make it all about me, and what I missed out on I can turn that around and have compassion for the person he was struggling to live with - himself. Sometimes our parents don’t know how to show up because someone didn’t show them how to and therefore the cycle continues. This is not an excuse, this is just reality. It comes down to what is modeled to us and self worth.
I believe that we decide to incarnate exactly where we do. With the parents that we have. We made a decision to be birthed by our mothers, or to be adopted by our chosen mother and fathers. We are here to learn from them just as they are here to learn from us. There is nothing we will experience in our lifetime that we can not handle and was not meant for us. We chose this. We chose them.
Whether it was good or bad, positive or negative. It does not matter. Its all the same, it is what makes this life human. Yin yang, earth and sky. What matters is how we choose to show up. Will we choose to show up in a way that is more evolved from what we were shown? Or will be decidedly repeat old patterns?
We chose to come on this journey with them but we also have free-will and we are constantly presented with options and choices. Those choices and decisions will shape your particular journey and what it is that you will experience.