What is jealousy?
We all know the feeling, that feeling when your significant other does something to make us feel less worthy, upset or rejected. That time you flew off the handle, (most likely at nothing), or when you created a story in your mind about something happening that wasn’t. Or maybe something did happen. Maybe you were betrayed and ever since that moment you felt like you may never trust again. I think we’ve all been there. I was thinking about jealously recently, what does jealousy actually equal? What is it and why do we feel it sometimes? Is it rational?
If we distill the emotion down that we call jealously, it is ultimately rooted in feeling unlovable, unworthy and insecurity. There are questions that we can ask ourselves in these moments of inadequacy to stop our mind from running the show. Does our partner give us reason to be insecure in our relationship? Does he or she love me and show up for me time and time again? Are they emotionally committed to me? If you answered yes to these questions then it is very likely that your ego is creating and projecting a story that is triggering feelings of unlovable.
It may be hard to see, however beneficial to shift our perspective towards ourselves. Is this a scenario that is carried into all of your relationships? A pattern that you all too often see and experience? Then perhaps it is not our partners but us. Gasp! Yes, us. When we have unresolved issues around self love or feelings of inadequacy it will often show up as trust issues in our partnerships.
We are talking about fear. Fear will stop you from living and ruin wonderful opportunities for growth if we let it. Fear is both useful and unnecessary. There is healthy fear that will stop us from leaning too far over that cliff-side, and there is fear that will keep us small and stop us from growing into our most actualized selves.
When we continue this loop of insecurity in relationships it not only kills the relationship over time but it stops us from truly showing up how we want to - as a healthy addition in another’s life. We are not here to complete one another, we are here to compliment and add value to a partnership. Two whole people united as one. To do this we must first be secure in our own skin. In who we are, all that we bring to a partnership. If your partner does not give you reason to believe that there is something to be insecure about then perhaps it is something that we need to look at within our own self.
Are you coming from a place of possessiveness? To be clear, we do not own our partners, we never have and never will. Being with someone is a conscious choice that can change at any point along our journey. If you are feeling jealously often, and you think it might be coming from deep within you. Not in fact from the actions of your partner. Trying to speak openly about this fact with them will create a space for understanding as well as healing. Open up the conversation and communicate. Without communication there is not much hope for any of us or an opportunity for your needs to be met.
You are worthy of love because you are love. You came into this world as love and sometimes I think we forget this. Feelings of inadequacy or unlovable are rooted in low self worth and this all comes back to us in the end. Jealousy is a secondary emotion, like anger or resentment and most certainly can be transformed.
Are you willing to turn resentment into acceptance and inadequacy into love?