A New Chapter
As I sit here this month I can’t help but to reflect on all of life’s intersections along my journey so far.
Leading into my twenties was like a haze of reckless abandon, having no freaking clue how to navigate life and what lay ahead. Not knowing my own beliefs from another, which inevitably left me feeling un-grounded and floating through life. Saying yes when I wanted to say no and merely existing. Calling in shitty relationships with men and not standing in my worth while enforcing almost zero boundaries. The tumultuous twenties, I like to call them. A time for exploration and navigating the unknown. Awkwardly growing into our adult lives without much to hang on to but the youth we achingly leave behind. My twenties were hard, expansive, and exploratory.
Hopping over to my mid-twenties I found love, I discovered self worth, gratitude and a deeper reason for being alive through healthy relationships. I experienced loss and depth. It was not easy and there were a lot of lessons but the best one of all was cultivating a community. A community of like-minded women. Women that knew how to hold space for each other. To support each other without competition. I remember asking myself why I was here, “what is the point of this life?” I would say in my low moments while alone. I have since found my answer. That was a revelation all on its own. My mid-twenties is when I woke up - I began to love myself, like really start to love all of the facets of myself, (or in the very least see and acknowledge them) while letting go of what no longer served me. It was an immense time of shedding and self recognition.
It was the time that I began to discover the me that was there all along. The version of myself that was not conditioned by society, my peers or my family and I was supported more than I ever have been. It was a time of rebirth. Embracing healthy relationships and the realization that I can literally cultivate any life that I want and make all of my dreams come true. Why did I ever doubt my capabilities? Why do any of us?
If you have a burning desire for something in your life - follow it. I implore you to. Follow what your heart and your soul tell you to do even when your mind may not be able to rationalize it. Most often, our mind is our greatest barrier to achieving levels of great self awareness and moving past our comfort zone. The strangest pull can lead you to a most potent place of transcendence. We are so supported by the universe when we lean in and TRUST. Trust that we are taken care of. When something falls away, its purpose has been fulfilled or we have outgrown this place or this person. Only when we remove something from our life can something new come in to fill its space. Typically, this will be something greater and there to up-level you. However, the mind and ego like to cling to the past, they insist of clinging to trauma so that we can remember this over and over again - not allowing us to be fully present with where we are in each and every moment. Being present is one of our greatest achievements, for there is no past or future - it is all happening at once. Life only exists where the breath is.
Moving onto 30 was just another day - so immersed in my own journey of self actualization and a love for connection and moving forward it was non-existential. Now I sit here, writing, reminiscing and reflecting as I inch closer to 32 and I am overwhelmed by how far I have come. How far I have come in my own journey of shedding who I thought I was growing up so that I can show up in this world as the radiant light that resides within me. My ‘purpose’ is changing shape and taking new form. It is moving past my own needs for fulfillment and it is yearning to be part of a collective - a whole. To connect with others that are in a place of low self worth, lack or in a cycle of trauma and show them that this is not the only way to operate. That there IS beauty around every corner. My desire and capacity to show up in this world is expanding and the aspirations I have far exceed the small limitations of my old self.
It is less about doing and more about becoming. This is a year for stepping outside of my comfort zone even further and pushing past my own edge. Those fears I have? That is where my greatest growth and expansion lives and I am so ready to meet myself in this space. Age is only a number but it is more so a marker - a marker for where I am at in my own spiritual growth and personal evolution. As I move into this new chapter I find myself contemplating and considering roles I never have before. Roles like becoming a mother - the radical responsibility of raising children. Where is it that I want to put down roots? and how do I want to live my days out? I truly believe we can embody a life of our own design and it is up to us to make that happen. It is not ‘waiting for the perfect moment’ or having enough money, no. It is about getting very clear on what that looks like for you and taking actionable steps to get there all while make conscious decisions along the way.
I want to work with children. I want for young girls to grow up feeling confident to be who they innately are. I want children to be free of suffering and abuse within their homes. I want young boys to have strong male role models as fathers that embody a divine masculine energy so that they can show up as such but also lean into their feminine and not be afraid to LOVE. I want high school kids to embrace whatever interests they have that light them up and to follow those without a care for external validation or fear of being judged. To realize that they are already everything that need to be and more and that in fact children live from a place of purity that we are trying to get back to. They are not yet conditioned by society and that we in fact should be taking notes on what it is they have to say and how they perceive the world.
We are not here to suffer, we are here to be free.
I dedicate 32 to showing up in the world as the next level version of myself. A version that has been wanting to be seen and embodied for a very long time. I invite everyone to do this and that is my hope. You don’t need those walls anymore - the walls that you have built up as a protective shell. It is time to dismantle those walls and to let the world experience the true you. I spent 28-30 in deep introspection and it was a confronting yet beautiful time to be alive. I went deep into my subconscious and cleared away a million cobwebs, faced the depths of my shadow and let go of resentment and pain that I held for so long. It is not easy work but I promise you it is worth it. The kicker is it never ends, just when you feel like you’ve reached a new level and you’re metaphorical load feels lighter you will be presented with new triggers and challenges. Such is growth - this is the art of embrace. The thing is, you are now more equipped to deal with the process - you understand the process and you do not need to run from it. When you know the beauty of what lay on the other side you have a willingness to persevere.
I am so honored and humbled to continue this journey.
And so it is.